She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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