Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
