At least make sure they are 18
Why
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
