; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You work out of a Hotel?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
