porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
