what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
