On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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