I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
