If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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