It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize