dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
