I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
