Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
