The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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