i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
