never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
