Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
