I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
sick fucks of a feather flock together
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
