Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
