Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just high enough for therapy.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize