HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
