Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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