if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
