Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
