I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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