I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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