i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
