we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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