Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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