Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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