my mouth tastes like poor choices
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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