Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize