I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize