I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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