Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
