I feel like abortions should bother me more
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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