Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
