I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
