That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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