I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
