you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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