Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You made out with two different species that night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
