just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
