After last night, I could never be a politician.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
