I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
