I just saw a hot homeless man
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Every concussion has its silver lining
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
