summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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