I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
