she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
