well I can't set my house on fire every night
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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