dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
