I just saw a hot homeless man
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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