No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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