Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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