last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
