He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
