you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
