it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Text me some of your sweat
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
