# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize