dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
