I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
