No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
