I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
