Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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