Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
