Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
