Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
