you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
