Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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