I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
