I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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