I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
