I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
