im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
