I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
