i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
