There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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