im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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