I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
