you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
