A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
