don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize