Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
