Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
