I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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