turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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