Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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