that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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