is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
