My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
