it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
