4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
