I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
