maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
