Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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