You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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