capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize