so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I intend to get homeless drunk
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
