u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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