is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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