i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
