Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
